I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
