i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm having to shit out rocks
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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