I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
