"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
