There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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