dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
