So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
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