I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
