i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
