I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
