He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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