Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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