the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
