you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
