So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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