the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
