I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
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im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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