I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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