i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just high enough for therapy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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