I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
