Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
