What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
