no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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