Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
