Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
