In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
