I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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