she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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