My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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