I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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