Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
