Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.

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(773): My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas. http://tfl.nu/zv1j

Replies (1) Good night (605) Bad night (890)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone

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(201): now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone http://tfl.nu/mcch

Replies (19) Good night (664) Bad night (4076)
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(802): View more from Vermont

Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?

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(802): Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit? http://tfl.nu/yu0u

Replies (26) Good night (4153) Bad night (1320)
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(647): View more from Ontario

im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.

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(647): im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old. http://tfl.nu/1v3o

Replies (20) Good night (651) Bad night (2918)
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(269): View more from Michigan

I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.

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(269): I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week. http://tfl.nu/9ao4

Replies (33) Good night (5951) Bad night (791)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter

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(918): The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter http://tfl.nu/j5l8

Replies (13) Good night (8358) Bad night (1033)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous

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(808): she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous http://tfl.nu/8uf4

Replies (15) Good night (5623) Bad night (1294)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...

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(570): Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings... http://tfl.nu/2ar0

Replies (6) Good night (916) Bad night (2066)
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(585): View more from New York

ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.

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(585): ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity. http://tfl.nu/72qs

Replies (17) Good night (3025) Bad night (968)
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(404): View more from Georgia

there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible

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(404): there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible http://tfl.nu/fm0j

Replies (4) Good night (1585) Bad night (517)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.

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(570): Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least. http://tfl.nu/etpi

Replies (2) Good night (1822) Bad night (525)
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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous

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(785): I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous http://tfl.nu/ltir

Replies (14) Good night (1154) Bad night (637)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.

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(803): I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me. http://tfl.nu/5d5j

Replies (3) Good night (2002) Bad night (602)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?

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(508): OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities? http://tfl.nu/uepx

Replies (4) Good night (1053) Bad night (430)
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(206): View more from Washington

If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying

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(206): If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying http://tfl.nu/3uun

Replies (1) Good night (290) Bad night (390)

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