dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
is wine microwaveable?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
