I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
