I wanna bring you to show and tell
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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