Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
