epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
