dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
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My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
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Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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