Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Can I color on your dick again?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
