why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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