she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
