I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
