drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
