I cannot find my penis.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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