My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
