Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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