bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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