Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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