if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
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I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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