Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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