she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
