Your face is a jimmy john
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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