wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
