Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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