My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
