Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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