You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
