Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
