Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
should my penis look like a turkey
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
