$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
