My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
