Christians are straight up FREAKS
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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