You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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