If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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