every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
