i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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