did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
