i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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