Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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