Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
