what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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