She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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