We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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